Confessions of Princess Perfect
by Red Witch
Summary: It's Jean's turn to rant and contemplate her lot in life. Surprise, she's not that happy with it.


**You read my mind. I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. This time I thought I'd do a rant from Jean's point of view. I'm having fun with these things. **

**Confessions of Princess Perfect**

You really know what it's like to be Jean Grey? Miss Perfect, Miss Popular, Miss X-Woman? The one everybody looks up to? The one everybody hates?

You don't wanna know.

Think being a telepath means you're an automatic snoop and spy? Well maybe…But the trick isn't getting into people's thoughts.

It's keeping them out.

Imagine this. You're in a house and in every room of that house there's a radio playing very loudly. And they all have different stations so no one song is playing at the same time. And a lot of times they're all playing annoying commercials. And you can't change the stations or turn off the radios. Even when you are trying to go to sleep.

Now imagine that each room also has about 5 to ten television sets. And of course they are all showing different channels at full volume and you can't turn them off either. They are playing at the same exact time as the radios. Yes it does get confusing.

It gets better. Now imagine on some of the stations somehow you end up as the star. That's right. You are on the TV. Some of the situations you are in are kind of funny like seeing yourself fall in the mud or have a bad hair day. Some are really bizarre, like you're running around in a loincloth fighting bad guys. Or kissing somebody. Often somebody you don't even like or would even **dream** of kissing of.

Jamie definitely needs someone to talk to him. I mean James Bond? Come on. He's even thought about Storm in some skimpy bikini bringing him a chocolate shake. And I'm Mrs. Moneypenny who secretly lusts after him. **Mrs. Moneypenny?** Of the entire cast of Bond girls and villains he could cast me as he thinks I'm a Mrs. Moneypenny? Part of me is really insulted by that.

But that's pretty tame compared to some other thoughts I've seen.

Let's get back to the television shows. And you are starring in them. And some of them they show you being violently killed, tortured, raped and god knows what other things. And some of them get more and more graphic. And the worst part is, these shows have some bizarre laugh track where the audience is laughing and clamoring for more.

Still think it's fun? Still think I get a kick out of listening to other people's thoughts?

There are days I just want to smash my head against the wall until everything is quiet again. Or better yet, smash other people's heads in.

So you're wondering how I got my powers? How'd they manifest? Actually I'm not reading your mind; it's a pretty common question. Most mutants get their powers when they're in their teens.

I got mine when I saw my best friend get killed by a car when I was a little girl.

This is something I don't like to talk about much. Only Scott and the Professor know about this. And the Professor knows because he helped me suppress my powers until I got older.

I was eight years old and playing baseball with my best friend Annie in the front yard. I was at bat. I hit the ball. Annie stepped back to catch it…

And then out of nowhere a drunk driver peeled the corner, smashed into the mailbox, drove partway on the lawn and hit Annie.

The next thing I knew I was the one lying down on the lawn dying. But I wasn't dying. It was Annie. I felt her thoughts reach me in that moment. Her last thought was why and where was her mother.

Suddenly I could hear everyone's thoughts. I was hysterical. I heard the drunk's thoughts and couldn't shut them off. I heard Annie's mom's thoughts and felt her grief. I heard the policeman's thoughts of disgust and the very graphic things they wanted to do to the drunk driver. The indifference of one ambulance driver who had seen it too many times to count.

And I just screamed. And I couldn't stop screaming for three days straight.

My parents almost sent me to a mental hospital because I wouldn't stop screaming and carrying on. They thought the things I heard were some manifestations of my grief. Thank god my parents were friends with Professor Xavier back then. He literally saved my life.

On the fourth day he showed up to pay his respects. He asked to see me and I remember him holding my hand. And then everything went quiet. When I was much older, I learned the Professor used his own powers to suppress my telepathic abilities. Still I don't like to talk about it much.

Would **you **want people to know you had a psychotic breakdown at the age of eight?

But with my powers suppressed, life went on. I got counseling and learned to get over Annie's death to some degree. I even managed to forget about it after a while. Told myself it was nothing more than a delusion. A dream of some kind my mind made up.

That was shot to hell when I turned sixteen. Not only did I begin to hear voices; everything around me that wasn't nailed down started to fly all around me. And this time there was no way I could forget about it.

It's pretty frightening if you think about it. My powers that is. Not only can I hear thoughts, I can move objects. Any objects. Books, hairbrushes, trashcans…

A person's beating heart.

I never really did it myself but I just know I can do it. To make it stand perfectly still or squeeze the life out of it. Or take any kind of inanimate object like a knife or an axe and stab someone with it. Once I nearly skewered the entire track team when my powers went out of control. That was frightening. I never killed anyone before and I don't really want to find out what it's like.

I mean…What if I like it?

I could have easily smashed Duncan Matthew's head in along with Principal Kelly's…Okay, maybe that wouldn't have been such a bad thing, considering….

So now can you understand why I try to be so collected all the time?

I act the way I do because I expect it of myself.

I'm not doing it for anyone else but me. Well maybe the Professor because I owe him so much.

Sometimes I feel like that he takes advantage of that. Not the way you think. It's just…Well I guess it's because he's a telepath like me. Out of all the students I'm the one he best understands because my powers are so much like his. So we have that second father/surrogate daughter bond thing going on. And that's why he trusts me the most.

And he trusts me to help him run the place.

Yeah, **that's **a lot of fun.

I'm the face of the Institute and what it represents, like it or not. I never asked for this position. It was just thrust upon me. Even from the beginning I was always the one sent out on recruitment missions.

"You can do this Jean, You're a model of what we're offering," The Professor always said to me. Yeah lovely. No pressure. Thanks a lot.

God I wish I was more like Rogue. Yeah it's awful that she can't touch but all she has to do to protect herself is put some clothes over her skin.

I can't even go out with a helmet or something. And let me tell you going to high school is like going into an auditorium with a million radios and TV's going on at the same time. I can't shut out all those voices every minute of the day. But I learned to shut a lot of them out during school hours. It took a while, but I did it.

School became my place of refuge. That's a pretty odd thing to say, I know. Even though there was that pesky problem of shielding myself…There I was just your average straight A student who quickly became your average popular straight A student and soccer player star. I guess I wanted to be normal so much I threw myself into it.

What am I saying? I **am** normal, despite my gifts.

Then again normal people don't end up attracting so many weirdoes and crazies.

Normal people don't spend a lot of time in tight uniforms training.

And then when people found out I was a mutant…My last hope of being normal disappeared. But what's so wrong with wanting to be normal despite your powers?

To be honest, the alternative's too frightening to think about.

Some mutants can accept the fact that they're…different. Some revel in it.

I'm not one of them.

Maybe that's the real reason why I act so mature all the time. Why I hold firm to the belief that I am normal.

If I didn't believe that I'd go crazy just like everyone else around here.


End file.
